The Toilet Paper Note

One can never run out of sh*t, just toilet paper

Yasssss, you have guessed it right, this is a sequel for my last piece “Toilet Seat Thoughts”. You must be thinking I’m constipated or something the way I haven’t published any toilet seat thoughts for this long, it’s almost a year now. Well if you really think about it , you never run out of shiiiiiiiii, just good thoughts to share. So, no, I didn’t stop going to the toilet, it’s the thoughts that stopped coming to me. You can say, I’m constipated, but of thoughts. YOU GERIT? IF YOU DON’T GERIT FORGET ABOUT IT!

As I have told you before on “Dear Diary,”, I never kept a diary or a journal to put down my thoughts and having them straight. I just rely on my timley prayers to God, until I recently heard on some random podcast that journaling might actually help too. All ‘dem “Cool People” doing it, so why not me. Well, it’s only been few days and I’m still learning how to properly journal. There are a couple of days I just wrote a single word like “Damn” on my daily journal. It’s a process!

So, this one morning, on my regular journaling sesh, I had to take some shit . . . yes, I said that, don’t give me that look. Moving on, as I was sitting down on the toilet, I realized I had brought my pen with me. Of all the things I could have taken in there, I only had a pen . . . not even my phone or some snacks . . . just a pen & it started getting hella boring in there. I only wished I had my journal with me too, so I can kill two birds with one stone.

Just when I was about to give up, I saw ‘dem paper rolls hanging around like they don’t have any other purpose besides, you know . . . and decided to give them a new purpose. All of a sudden, ideas started pouring like crazy. I wanted to put all of ’em down on the tissue.

“ The most dangerous creation of any society is a man sitting on a toilet with a pen and a tissue roll ”

~Abraham Lincoln

I felt like J.k Rowling. Ideas kept coming & I was writing and writing . . .and writing. I bet J.K was on ‘dem toilet seats when she was writing all those 6 Harry Potter books. Imagine how long she has been in there. I was writing my mind out, another thing I wished then was if Viva made their tissues a little wider, that’s all I’m asking. Regardless, things were going well, until I realized it was on the last few rounds of the roll I was writing the entire time. It was already too late.

I wasn’t even half way through my thoughts. I know once I step out of there, it’s not gonna be the same. I tried to write on the other side of the paper, but the tissue was too soft and started to tear. I know Mamco wouldn’t tear. Finally, I came to a decision to call it off. That’s actually when it really hit me, how is the tissue supposed to serve its primary purpose (remember?), when all this time I’ve been writing on it. I was heartbroken. It put me in a place where I had to make one of the toughest decisions. It’s the toilet paper’s primary purpose against the purpose I gave it. Did I have an option? No, I couldn’t think of any at the moment. Am I proud of it? No , I told you it was a tough one. What would you do if you were in my place? Keep the papers or flush them down?

It was a nice “journaling” session, with quite an expected turn. It was tough seeing my thoughts getting flushed down the drain. *sobbing All ‘dem great ideas going down the drain like they were some pieces of “sheet”. If only I had saved them somehow, you would have been reading them now instead of reading about them. You just wasted your time!

Cheers 🥂

Until the next shit

Nathan D