Let’s be honest . . . they hit different, sometimes even more than shower thoughts .
Yup, that’s me. I thought a photo would be a little too inappropriate and I don’t thing y’all wanna see a photo of me sitting on a toilet. So the illustration of me should do just fine for this article. I bet you’re wondering what inspired me to write this piece. Well, it all started after I recently got tested positive for AWESOMENESS + COVID19. Though I have been asymptomatic most of the time, as a responsible citizen & for the sake of my community (Y’all would not handled that much awesomeness anyways) I had to quarantine myself for 10 days. Ngl, it’s been really tough staying home for 10 Days . . . freaking 10 DAYS. On a serious note, Thank God! If it wasn’t for Him, y’all would have missed this shitty piece!
It was on a Tuesday morning . . . or maybe Wednesday, honestly I’m not sure exactly when. . . ANYWAYS, the day started off as a normal day. Ate my breakfast, took my Vitamin C, checked my email, waved Ciao to my family as they left to work, and was finally all by myself. My morning ritual involves going to the toilet . . . usually accompanied by my phone. Probably not very hygienic now I think about it, but BAH! you all do it too. It’d be really tough in there without it, innit mate [Apply British Accent Here]?
Soon as I sat on ‘dem White Ceramic Thrones, whipped my phone out and started working, went over my to-do list, assigned tasks to my team, moved cards on the team Trello, replied to some emails . . . you know some CEO staff and of course scrolled through my Instagram and slid to someone’s DM. It wasn’t too long until I realised there ain’t no TISSUE IN THERE. I didn’t need to panic, cuz clearly what could possibly go wrong? After all, it was just me in the house. That’s when the TOILET SEAT thoughts start coming in. Well, it certainly wasn’t my first time and definitely not going to be my last!
Yup, it may sound a little ridiculous but if there are Shower Thoughts, why not Toilet Seat thoughts, right? The thoughts and ideas might even sometimes be out of this world and that’s quite the result of relaxation and peace. I’ve had great ideas while sat on ‘dem White Thrones. History has it, a lot of inventors and scientists came up with their ideas while they were sitting on a toilet. The Wright Brothers, Thomas Edison, Graham Bell, Newton (What else he be doing sitting under ‘dem trees), I can go on forever. . . There are also rumors out there Steve Jobs came up with the iPhone design while sitting on a toilet, Bezos with his Amazon idea and even the well renowned Ethiopian scientist Dr Aklilu Lemma with his cure for Bilharzia (Get It? The irony?) . . . Never mind, at this point I’m just making shit up just to prove my point, but I hope it’s true.
There is quite a reason for it why we end up with awesome ideas while we’re sitting on the toilet. I’m pretty sure there is some fancy scientific terminology out there for it but I’m not trying to sound smart here. Just here to share my thoughts . . . OR I don’t happen to know the terminology yet, but I’m sure it’s the same reason we often come up with awesome ideas in the shower. Especially if it is during the early hours of the day, when our mind is still fresh and free, we can stay focused as we are not putting effort anywhere else. I mean, Of course, if everything is fine with our body! Also, assuming y’all have toilets & know what I’m talking about, it's pretty obvious it prevents us from doing other things thus giving us more time to be creative. It’s a time when we’re alone and therefore away from the distractions that others present.
Some readers have already clicked away by now. Some of you are busy nodding along to my sentiment and waiting to hear my brilliant toilet seat thoughts. Without further ado, here are some I had recently:
- My elevator pitch . . . That thing needs refining all the time, any investor here that would like to hear my pitch (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Excuse me other readers, thought I might as well secure some bag here
- Write an article about My Toilet Seat Thoughts . . . clearly where else would I think such kind of stuff, duhh!!!
- Some very clever & hard to resist pick up lines (DM if you wanna hear ’em, women are encouraged)
- What I would be doing now if I wasn’t working on my startup. . . Anyone looking to hire me?
- Some random questions like, If Newton was Ethiopian & has one of those typical Ethiopian names, would they still name the theories after him. Like “DaMteW LAw Of GrAviTy” OR “GeBRekResTos 3Rd LAw”
- If Will Smith had made that shot in his neighborhood, would there even be “Fresh Prince of Bel-air” ?
- Do animals commit suicide & how?
I just wish I was writing this piece from the comfort of my toilet seat. I’d have come up with more ideas. Anyways, here is a poem I found interesting on the internet by Faraaz Kazi on his book Truly Madly Deeply.
‘Here I sit
Tried to shit
But only farted.’
‘You are lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!’
‘I came here
To shit and stink
But all I do
Is sit and think.’
‘Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
but I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls
P.s. If y’all still wondering if I finally got a tissue, yes I did. The damn tissue roll wasn’t gonna bring itself, so someone had to ;‑)