Ughh . . .Another Trip To The Toilet
Here We Go Again
So, here we are, three articles deep into my toilet chronicles, and if you’ve stuck around this long, you’re either a fellow fanatic of my toilet seat brilliance or just someone who really admires toilets. Either way, glad you have come back for more! If this is your first time dipping into my toilet tales, do yourself a favor and catch up on the other two articles 👈🏽while you’re at it. Trust me, they are not just a piece of shiiiii, they’re “THE” PIECE OF SHIIIIT!
The toilet, It’s not just a place for, well, you know, it’s a sanctuary. For me it’s a place where inspiration flows, a brainstorming hub, where new ideas take flight and where sometimes a roll of toilet paper can transform into a DIY journal for my genius thoughts. Because why waste good paper! I’ve had some of my best ideas while seated at my white throne. If not all, most great ideas in the world are conceived there. Many have found their inspiration in these peaceful confines. I know Elon Musk came up with his StarLink idea while seated in his Billion Dollar toilet! Source *just trust me bro*
It’s a mystical place of inspiration, where every trip promises endless possibilities. But lately, it’s felt more like just another pit stop in the daily grind. Gone are the days of endless inspiration; now, it’s more about getting in and getting out as quickly as possible.
I’ve always said, “Man never runs out of shit. . .” and to that, I’m adding, “but a man might run out of inspiration and, most times, toilet paper.” It’s a real tragedy if you think about it
And in times like these, when the inspiration seems to have already been flushed away before you are even seated, man needs to seek inspiration from elsewhere. If only man still had those newspaper walls, perhaps maybe man will get his inspiration from up there. I would like to call them “Yippidi Yappidi Walls ” yapp, those walls covered in old newspapers, in old movie posters and sometimes they might even be covered with some random TV manual. If man is not getting any inspo from those walls, at least, I know man will never run out of paper to wipe. . .
It’s funny how not too long ago I used to see house interiors decorated with newspapers. If you have ever been in one of these houses, trust me when I say you’ll never run out of ideas for an icebreaker. You could take a quick skim across the living room and become an expert on ’90s politics. Talk about a conversation starter! I have started to notice some cafés and bars are decorating their interiors with these vintage newspapers. You would be on a date with a Sapiosexual or some wired girl, and out of nowhere, you would start talking about the Socio-Economic and Political State of the country in 1996. She would think you’re smart and all, but all you did was “read the room”. Get it? * take note, men* Sishu has all corners of their bathroom wrapped with newspapers. You’d just sit on your white throne and admire how brilliant people were in the 90s. You’ll see job postings, pop news, politics, technology and short stories all over their bathroom walls. You wouldn’t even mind sitting there for hours. Now, our newspapers are full of politics propaganda, mostly! Fendika has some part of their walls decorated with posters and newspapers from a while back, and it takes you back to Ethiopian’s music history lane.
These kind of walls are like time capsules, transporting us back to the time when print media was quite big. It’s a reminder that even in this digital age, there’s still beauty to be found in things we can feel & touch!
I’m not trying to convince you to cover your bathroom walls or rooms with old newspapers but it comes with its own perks. For one, no need to throw away the newspaper, they get a second life as a decor. You know what that would make you? An #environmentalist, one more hashtag for your IG bio. Who needs a dull white wall, when you can have headlines staring back at you? Newspapers are the real art! And as for me, well, I wouldn’t want to brag or anything, I’d proudly cover the walls with all the newspaper featuring yours truly. I can already picture myself casually reading articles about myself while taking care of business. I know “the shitting me” would be proud of “the newspaper me”. Maybe it would inspire me or maybe it would just make me feel like shiii. But hey, if you happen to be my guest and end up in there, brace yourself, it won’t just be the headlines staring back at you.
But let’s talk about the real MVPs here, ‘dem “authors” who used to write on bathroom walls. Where did they go? The unsung heroes, the underdogs of literature, they may not have been the most inspirational, but man, were they hilarious! I’m not sure about the ladies room but ours had too many of them. Of course home is where you are supposed to trust the toilet seat, but sometimes nature calls at the most unfortunate hours, and you’re left with no choice but to answer. This one time while I was minding my own business, I saw this handwritten message on the door. It says, “Look to your left.” So, naturally, I oblige. Then, it told me to look to my right. Okay, I’m following along. But then it hits me with, “Look to your back.” Now, I’m still in the seated position, mind you, so I do the awkward twist like I’m trying to cheat off my friend’s exam paper in class. And what do I find? “ምን ያሽከረክርሃል፣ ዝም ብለህ አታ*ም” I gagged, I scram, I knew it was time to get up and just leave.
Toilet 1 : Nathan 0
These bathroom quotes are like sidekicks of literature, the overlooked creative writings! They’re the misfits, the rebels who don’t play by the rules. You can’t help but notice them. I would say they are the most read right next to your fav Novel, and of course their counterpart Taxi Quotes. I should have mentioned them on my last podcast about writing and literature. (Shameless Ad) They’re very short, to the point and sometimes poetic. Honorable mention goes to the arts right next to them, some of them are easy to draw, even I could draw it! It would be a lie if I said I never did. But then there are those masterpieces that would make you question how long the person was there. They belong in Louvre Art Musem!
Sometimes these bathroom quotes sneak in a bit of wisdom beneath all the humor, it’s very rare. There I was again, in a lavatory in a plane going from Arbaminch to Addis, fighting for my life, 5000 feet above the ground, I read “ልትወልድ ነው እንዴ?” written on the wall. Still not sure if it was the altitude messing with me, but I know I shouldn’t have laughed that hard. But hey, there’s some truth to it, right?
If you think about it, that right there is a philosophical gem. It’s carrying a considerable weight in just three words. You don’t need a PhD in philosophy to unwrap it, you just need a good grasp of the situation. Reading that in the bathroom while you’re seated on the toilet constipated (I heard flying ruins your bowl movement) can only mean one thing “Don’t Force It” No, not in the literal sense, although I suppose that’s quite a concern as well, but rather it’s more about other things, perhaps ideas and inspiration. And trust me, nothing good ever comes from pushing too hard, whether it’s ideas, inspirations, or, you know, shitt. It’ll just leave you sore and full of regrets. Instead, we should focus on what we consume, what we make ourselves exposed to, as these things have a lot to do with what comes out. It’s simple yet the truth. What goes in must come out! Bad food in, diarrhea out! በቃ!
And patience? Sometimes you’ve just gotta sit tight and let things flow naturally. After all, it’s better to be fashionably late than anything forced.
I’m done with lecturing. Ngl, sometimes, the teacher in me comes out unprovoked! Damn! Back to the serious stuff. If you were to grace a bathroom wall with your wit or wisdom, or with a news paper or a poster, what would you write or what would you put up there? I’ll start . . .
“ዋናው መቀመጫን አለመልቀቅ ነው”
“በግዝሄር አይነሱ”
“ለተቀማጭ ሰማይ ቅርቡ ነው”
All the news papers from 2016 & 2019 ‘cuz those were the best years
I’d definitely slap The Reporter newspaper on my toilet wall where all the politicians are featured, ‘cuz we’re used to them looking down on us while we handle our business. Talk about irony!
I would put some funny tweet posts
“የወንዶች ጉዳይ” Movie posters
P.S. Stop DMing me asking how often I go to the toilet! I go a normal amount, maybe 5 or 6 times on bad days.
